ERROR_CRM_BLOATED

YOUR CRMIS GARBAGE.

BareCRM is a tiny CRMOne form. One job. Capture a lead & get reminded to follow up.No dashboards. No pipelines. No excuses.

CRMs are broken. 🔨

We made one that isn't. ✅

YOU DON'T NEED: ❌

  • 14-day onboarding calls with "success managers"
  • Pipeline therapy sessions
  • A PhD in Salesforce to add a lead
  • Endless dropdowns you'll never use

YOU DO NEED: ✓

  • One form
  • One reminder
  • No BS
  • Just leads, and a nudge to follow up

STUPIDLY SIMPLE. 🤯

STEP_1
1

Add a lead 📝

Name, email, what they want. Done. No mandatory fields for their dog's birthday or LinkedIn URL.

STEP_2
2

Get reminded ⏰

We'll tell you when to follow up. No 'workflow automation' that requires a PhD to configure.

STEP_3
3

Close 💰 or don't

Mark it done or snooze it. We don't care. It's your business.

BLOATED ALTERNATIVES

Salesforce 🏢

Congratulations on your new part-time job: Salesforce Administrator. Hope you enjoy spending more time configuring software than actually selling things.

HubSpot 🎯

Free until you need to do literally anything useful. Then suddenly costs more than your mortgage. But hey, at least you get colorful dashboards nobody looks at.

Monday.com 📅

It's a spreadsheet with colors that sends you more notification emails than your entire family during the holidays. You're paying for anxiety.

TESTIMONIALS.EXE

PROBABLY FAKE,DEFINITELY ACCURATE 🤷

1

"This is where we'd put a testimonial, if we asked anyone."

— Marketing intern, probably 👨‍💼

2

"Insert emotional quote about how we changed someone's business. We're still working on that."

— Totally real human 🤖

3

"Early users said it was 'fine, I guess.' We'll take it."

— Harsh but fair 🔪

4

"We could have paid for fake reviews, but we spent that budget on making the product not suck instead."

— Our priorities 💯

PRICING.TXT

BareCRM & Bloated CRMs
🤝 Making Money

(Just not together.) 💸

Freeloader 🆓
0
...have 5 leads, 0 patience, and trust issues with CRMs.
Unlimited Brain Cell Mode 🧠
9/month
...are serious enough to follow up but not deranged enough to buy Salesforce.
Tiny Squad 👥
19/month
...want to bring your team along but still hate bloated CRMs. (Coming soon)
Lifetime Deal ♾️
49one-time
...want to never think about this decision again.

WHAT YOU GET: 🎁

  • 5 active leads (Free) or unlimited (Paid)
  • Automatic follow-up reminders (email/SMS)
  • Export to CSV
  • Snappy, insult-free UX

No AI. No Pipeline "Gamification." No Sales Enablement Theatre.
You don't need a deal desk.
You need to remember to email Mark.
That's $9 well spent. 👌

YOUR PIPELINE IS DYING. 💀

OR KEEP USING YOUR BLOATED CRM. WE DON'T CARE.